There are no pairs of pantyhose in my dresser drawers. I buy shoes only under extreme duress (except running shoes - those are easy), and when I do buy shoes I usually hate them after wearing them once or twice and then I go back to my sneaks and my loafers.
OK, so you get my point.
This has frustrated my family over the years, but they've learned to live with me and work around me, and even to find humor in my deficiencies.
So...nothing is more foreign to me than the catalogs that we get in the mail during Prom Dress Buying Time. I just don't get it...but luckily I have a teenage daughter to help me navigate these waters. Dangerous waters. Expensive waters. And although she's more girly than I am, the apple doesn't fall far from the tree and even though we start off saying "Ooooo, Prom Dresses", we end up laughing ourselves silly and wondering WTF the photographers and models were going for when they shot the catalog.
The first of many Prom catalogs arrived yesterday, and we were gleeful! But as we started looking through it, well, as usual, something was just off. Before I get all snarky, please realize that I think most of these dresses are stunning and I could only dream of looking as beautiful as these models in one of these creations. But the way they market them - well, it's perplexing. So this one we'll call the ANGST catalog, where all of the models try to look as aggravated and p.o.'d as possible.
Purple-y: Listen, I know for certain that we ordered the Vegan meals. I understand that it wasn't one of the meal choices, but you should make an exception. And it's certainly none of your business that we're all wearing leather shoes and have animal tested hair product in our hair. Just give me my freakin' food! My daddy paid good money for this.
Brown-y: I could snap you in half.
Maroon-y: And I would enjoy watching her do it.
Standing Girl: Why oh why haven't our dates picked us up yet? I told them: Meet us on the beach by the deadest looking trees you can find. I guess I'll just keep looking wistfully to the North.
Reclining Girl: You really are too much. It looks like you've screwed up another prom night for us. I might as well take a load off and I won't even worry about snagging my dress on this dirty old driftwood tree because we're obviously going to miss prom again. Oh joy. And the approaching rainstorm is perfect. Just perfect.
And besides angst, there are the photos that are just plain weird. Like this one:
Exhibit Five: Blondie:I told you to eat something this week. Now look at you. I hope you don't think I'm going to stand here holding you up all night.
Skinny: Your dress looks like cake. Yummy, yummy cake.