Thursday, February 10, 2011

It's the most wonderful time of the year: Part One

Yes my friends, it's Prom Dress Catalog Time!  It's time for the many designers of formal wear to trot out their most absurd and tasteless creations and dress their lovely models. Then they photograph them in questionable poses and place them in ridiculous scenery.  If you have even one single solitary snarky bone in your body, you have to love prom dress catalog time.

Last year I didn't do a Prom Dress post, because my daughter (and partner in sarcasm) was away for college and my heart just wasn't in it.  When she was in high school and living at home, I'd run home from the post office with the latest catalog and then we'd sit at the kitchen table and cackle like maniacs. It just wasn't the same without her.

But now?  I'm doing it.  And if she'd care to comment on any of the photos, I'll bet she can outdo my sarcasm easily.

Shall we start?  I think we should begin with the ever-popular Animal theme. 

Here we have a lovely animal print....um....dress?  With it's matching red belt and it's short tutu skirt, you'll be the fun party girl of the prom.  Look, even the model can't stop laughing.  (WTF am I wearing?  Where's my safari hat?  Ha, ha!  It's all just tooooo funny!)

Or here's a caption from my daughter:  Ahaha! My stylist forgot to spray-tan my hands! Ha! That is so hilarious! Oh! And my crotch is showing! Hahahahahaha!


We all know what she's thinking. "Damn cat.  I had to climb up on this ladder and it still did a number on my dress.   But then I made this fierce face and it went away.  Grrrrr."

And this next one is just wrong.  Wrong, wrong, wrong.

I don't even care about the dress.  I'm too terrified.

*********************************************

Now that we've sampled the Animal theme, let's appreciate the Inappropriately Sexed-Up for Prom theme.

Wait....you mean this isn't a stripper pole?  Because I'm ready to work it.

Yes, these are my breasts.  And gentlemen, my eyes are up here.   Of course, all I need to do is give this golden lasso a tug, and my breasts can be winched closer to my eyes.

And I've saved the best for last...

"I have the most perfect and bulbous butt in the world.  It's so perfect that my butt crack can exude glitter.  It's real easy for the glitter to dribble down.  But getting it to spray upward and create a fan effect?  Only a butt like mine could manage that trick.  Please don't try this at home.  I am a professional."

21 comments:

  1. Oh Lee, ROTFL!!! I remember your prom post from 2 years ago. The unfortunate thing is that you really do see dresses like these at the grand march!

    ReplyDelete
  2. It's a good thing I didn't have water in my mouth as I read your post! Hilarious! I only have boys and clearly I've missed loads of fun!

    I'm going to check back in a couple of days to see if your daughter leaves a comment.

    ReplyDelete
  3. LOL! Lee, this post has me cracking up so bad. Honestly, what were those designers/photographers thinking?

    ReplyDelete
  4. Who in their right mind would wear any of this tacky crap? Good grief. Or perhaps the better question would be what mother would let her teen-aged daughter out of the house in these, um, garments (and I use the term loosely)?

    ReplyDelete
  5. ROTFLOL!! The last one just killed me!

    ReplyDelete
  6. Wow those are unfortunate dresses!
    Excellent commentary. I'm off to search for the previous prom post.

    ReplyDelete
  7. LOL! I will never look at prom gowns or prom catalogs the same way again! Thanks for putting a smile on my face.

    ReplyDelete
  8. I've seen these books and shaken my head as I put them down. Your captions are DEAD ON!

    Thanks for the laugh!

    ReplyDelete
  9. I am speachless. I remember the last one and thought it was too funny for words, but now? Another story. I still have one more daughter to get thru prom season. I was either too stupid to be scared last time or we already had our dress..... I don't remember.

    Pam

    ReplyDelete
  10. Cackling like a loon in my house!

    ReplyDelete
  11. I guess this is another reason I can express my gratitude for having boys...although, when the time comes, I guess I have to worry about the girl they will be bringing to prom.

    I remember wearing strapless was deemed almost "inappropriate" back when I went...

    ReplyDelete
  12. Woo hoo! Great job on the prom dress snark! I totally needed something to laugh at this morning. Thanks!

    ReplyDelete
  13. Thanks for starting my day out with a laugh, Lee (well, actually quite a few laughs!!)... Great post :) Maybe I'm lucky I didn't have daughters ?

    ReplyDelete
  14. Well, somehow I don't feel as sad about not having a daughter - especially when you combine the styles with what I imagine to be pretty hefty pricetags! I knew of a mom last year that paid 4 times - yes, 4-times what I paid for my wedding gown!

    Thanks for the morning laughs!

    ReplyDelete
  15. ROFLOL! If my daughter ever thought about wearing one of these, I'd have to lock her in a room. And I know that she'd go for anything with an animal print! UGH!

    ReplyDelete
  16. Oh my.

    First animal print girl: Ahaha! My stylist forgot to spray-tan my hands! Ha! That is so hilarious! Oh! And my crotch is showing! Hahahahahaha!

    ReplyDelete
  17. seriously???? who's going to these proms anyway?

    ReplyDelete
  18. OH Lee.....I love prom dress time!!!! you make it so much fun!!!!!

    ReplyDelete